Day 32: Quickie

Day 32: Quickie

I write that title hoping to hold myself to it. My lack of getting-work-done since family came into town has forced me into the position of, sadly, working through the weekend. ie- I need to get up early tomorrow. I don’t know if you remember last time I tried to get up early, but I do. Alarms did not go off. The world ended. It was a disaster.

Not this time! No less than TWO alarms have been set, and tomorrow shall be glorious. Setting high goals for Saturday and Sunday, and I really hope that two blog entries from now I’ll be writing “mission accomplished,” because I really had been on such a nice roll, and finding myself significantly behind for the home stretch between now and leaving for the holidays would be very disheartening.

Seth and Queena left today, and I was sad to see them go. I don’t get much time to see them, only going home once, maybe twice, a year. That fact really seems to be magnified when I *do* see him, with all the catching up that’s there to do. Seth, I think would be the first to tell you himself, is quite a long-winded and opinionated fellow. Literally 75% of the time we spent talking over the week he was here was regarding huge themes of science, religion, economics, and most importantly, the end-all-be-all video game that he’s creating. It can be quite exhausting hanging out with that brother of mine, but I do love him so, he’s never boring, and I’m *extremely* proud of the work he’s done and the ambition he has to do so much more.

Queena is thinking of moving down here to LA now that she’s happily graduating. She wants to pursue acting, you see. Liz and I found ourselves in an interesting situation giving advice with that. I think I’ve written about it here before, but recently, I’ve just seen so many of my friends and acquaintances, people I love and respect, decide that it just wasn’t making them happy any more and moved away. The most undeniable and persistent face that Hollywood has shown me is one of disappointment and frustration. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. It sounds jaded, but it’s the truth. And, I know that everyone *says* that on your way in, but it’s something entirely different to live it. Which is a long way to say that staying down here isn’t for the faint of heart, or the sane. There’s a demented persistence in everyone that stays down here, and we all share the feeling of not being able to do anything else.

So, that was my answer to her: if you can do anything else and be happy, do it. If this is all you can fathom doing, then down here is where you need to be.

I know that sounds super negative, or bitter, or jaded…and maybe it is. I’m not sure there, objectively speaking. But subjectively speaking, from my point of view, it’s simply the truth. I’m here because I’m not done yet. I need to be here. I can’t leave. The fire to tell stories in film and TV hasn’t left me. And that makes me happy. The struggle makes me happy because I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. That I do belong here, even though Hollywood continues to tell me otherwise. And, that I’m not special in that regard, it’s not something I’m doing wrong. I know I’ll be ignored until the time comes when I no longer can be, it’s as simple as that, and it’s the same for everyone else out here. It’s going to take a lot of hard work, and even more luck. The day may come when I feel like I’m done, or it may never come until I die…all I know is that day is not today.

Anyway, Liz just got into bed and literally said “oooh, looks like a long blog” and I’m like, damnit! I knew that writing a title like “quickie” would curse the trying to keep it short.

Going to bed. Shutting this shit down. C’ya on the flip, and wish me luck over the next two days. Money making time!