Day 45: Jitters

Day 45: Jitters

Doing this post early today, since we’re going out in a bit for dinner with some acquaintances and I’m feeling wound up. Can’t specifically say what sent it into motion…but there are a number of things swirling about in my mind.

First, I figured out that, indeed, my taxes will be hefty. Not sure *how* hefty yet since I haven’t taken into account all my expenses, but it’s pretty much guaranteed to wipe out my savings. That bums me out, to be honest. It means, after all is said and done this year, I won’t have actually saved anything. I just will have put aside money that didn’t belong to me in the first place. I mean, it could be worse; I could have *really* not saved anything and then I’d pretty much have to scramble next year for the first three and a half months to put together the money to pay the taxes. That would *really* have been bad. So…don’t get me wrong. Pretty sure I’ll have slightly more than enough to pay everything outright, self-employment, federal income, and state income…and then at least it’s done. I know what my taxes are moving forward, and I can more accurately figure out what my savings are from here on out. In fact, next year represents a clean slate for savings.

It still sucks tho that all this money I “didn’t spend” will just disappear 😛

Before moving on, I do need to remind myself that I *did* make so huge strides in the money world, even without my precious savings.

I just shared all that with Liz, who was sympathetic. She’s dealing with health insurance right now. Equally frustrating. Sometimes, this country makes no fucking sense to me 😛

The other thing that’s getting me all wound up is the fact that I mis-calculated the number of days I have to work this month before we leave to go up north. By a full day. Soooo, I *thought* I was on track to hit my 180 minute goal for December, when, in fact, there’s no possible way I can get there. Bullshit fucking shit, right? Le sigh. It’s only the difference of like $200, so in the end I won’t sweat it. But I’m sweatin’ it right now, dear readers! Just ask my armpits.

The final thing that’s making me cray cray is this whole Writers’ Assistant thing. I looked up how much they get paid, since money was on my mind, and thank god it’s about what I’m making right now. Whew! I’ll be able to survive. It’s really the “how to apply” thing that’s winding me up. And in the most *basic* way…how do I find out WHEN producers are looking for writers’ assistants, and how do I find out WHERE to contact them. I mean, every show out there has like five production companies, and I have an allergy to phone calls that make me look like an idiot. “I’m sorry, dumb ass, I can’t help you because we don’t handle that side of the show.” Oh, it’s going to happen. It’s coming. Gut punch to the balls.

So yeah…I’m feeling punchy at the moment. And you know what? I legitimately just had this epiphany. I’m hungry! …I guarantee you in 45 minutes time, with some beer and a burger in my belly, I’ll be scoffing at my jitters.

The world is a dark place whence hunger is around. Yup. I wrote that. Pretty sure I used the word “whence” completely wrong, but screw it. I’m hungry.

Cover art today from here.