I’m done! I did it!
I feel like maybe I’ve used this title before, the whole “Mission Accomplished” one I mean, which always makes me think of it in the ironic sense for a second, as in that aircraft carrier banner that George W. stood in front of and talked about the Iraq war….but this is not that kind of mission accomplished. It’s friggin for reals.
As I type this on my iPhone, because it’s 1:30 in the morning and we don’t know what the new wifi password is, we’re up in the windy, chilly, clear Bay Area having left Los Angeles behind for the next two weeks of holiday merriment. Behind me is a work-goal met in full, loose ends all tied up, and nothing that needs to be done for the next two weeks. It hasn’t really sunk in yet, and I’m not sure it will in any major way, necessarily. I mean, there’s more work sitting there for me as soon as I get back and start on the new year…but still. There is *undeniably* an accomplishment here of the weight-off-the-shoulders kind. I set my goals for how much work I wanted to accomplish about two and a half months ago, figured how much money I’d have if I managed to actually meet those goals, and by god-damnit, I fucking did it! I just put my head down and got it done. For the first time with this new job.
What it actually makes me feel is calm. Like I’m getting some of that determination back. That certainty that if I wanted to do something enough to say I was going to do it, it would get done. Just a few months ago, that Ira wasn’t so sure. And, believe me guys, I still fear that not-so-sure Ira could come back and take away this “calmness.” But, right now, that’s a very, very distant voice. Because I’m looking at the reality of the here and now, and that reality is that I did it. I *changed*. There was nothing external about it. I simply came to a point where my frustration wasn’t tolerable any more, and I found my determination.
Ah, that feels good!
So yeah, today was intense; I’ve never had so much to do before going out of town. Last night, I was going to just gut it out and finish the last lesson I needed to, on time, no slacking, just get it done. And then a few hours of errands and building stuff, and the Ho and I would take off. But then Liz offered that perhaps we should just leave later, I should do my last lesson in the morning, and that we should spend the rest of that already late night and do panda Christmas. If you read last night’s blog, you know what we opted to do 😛
So this morning, I took a much needed shower, I was stinky, and then went over to the main office to give everyone there the boxes of sweets we’d bought for them. Then, coming home, I noticed a couple lights out in our garage, and it was really bugging me that we’d be leaving and I hadn’t changed them out. Those couple lights turned out to be a “fuck it, I should just do ALL the lights” which took about half an hour. But after it was done, I was really glad I’d done it. It’s just one of those thing that nags in the back of my mind.
By this point, it was already 1:30, and I had a full lesson to get through, which meant leaving at 5:00 was looking very tight. Sure enough, I didn’t finish until 4:30, exactly how long it should have taken me. But, in the end, it was fine. Liz actually used the extra time to really figure out her packing, and we were out of the house at 6:00. Now, then we still had to drop by presents to some fellow building managers, fill up tires and get gas. It was bananas.
But, we were on the road at around 6:45, and we’d checked traffic and found a route that looked hopefully free…and it was. There was virtually no traffic AT ALL the entire way up. I took a tiny 20 minute nap, but other than that, the Ho and I just chatted the whole way. We really love taking car trips together, like for reals. Because we just get to talk and kind of check in with each other, talk about life, Cooper, and the pursuit of happiness. And we were both feeling quite happy. So was Cooper for that matter, he literally slept like the entire trip.
And now, here we are, in bed, no internet but my phone, thinking about the past several weeks, the year at-large, and what next year will bring. Again, it’s not fully time for the retrospective, there’s more story that 2013 has yet to tell, but we’re close.
I can feel it.
Today’s art work is via Todd Alcott, and if anyone can tell me what the hell it’s from, you win a prize. It’s maybe the village people in space? Or, Halloween costumes in space? I’m not sure, but one guy is dressed like a mummy, and the other a gay sailor. And they look stressed 😛