Day 80: Dying

Day 80: Dying

Guys, I’m dying. Falling apart.

So, first it was my neck, then my allergies started going crazy. Now, it seems, I’ve managed to scratch the cornea of my right eye somehow, and it’s all bananas.

To boot, I have just been feeling exhausted lately. Ever since getting my mom’s letter off on Monday. I don’t think I’m coming down with anything. I just think it’s the past four months of almost non-stop catching up with me. That, and there’s always the psychosomatic of me changing things up, setting new uncomfortable goals. If you haven’t heard about psychosomatics, it’s worth looking up.

Ever wonder why when some big change is coming, or has happened, good or bad, you always seem to get a cold, or the flu, or headaches, etc. etc. Well, it’s stress. Change is stressful. Our bodies don’t like it so they kind of freak out.

What’s happening right now is probably a combination of all those things. And I, surprisingly, feel fine about it all right now. As I’m sitting here writing this blog, I could be feeling massive amounts of anxiety and guilt over what was essentially a rather unproductive day. But, I don’t. This short story is going to get done. I’m going to reach out to as many production places as I can about getting in as an intern or writers’ assistant. I’m going to get my editing work done with this new 3 day a week schedule. It’s not a question any more, actually. It’s going to happen. And that feels nice.

There will be setbacks here and there, but that doesn’t matter. It’s the consistency that matters. And I feel that back. It’s so nice to be back! πŸ™‚

What’s happening right now is that my body and my mind need some rest. It’s a legit request. I’ve always craved periods of solitude. That’s suuuuuch a lame sentence to write, jesus, I know. But, it’s true. One of my favorite things to do is to sit by myself and think. It’s quiet, and it quiets my brain. Like in that Donald Duck movie about math magic, do you remember that? Where he learns about math with this omniscient narrator. Towards the end, there’s this section where we’re inside Donald’s mind, and it’s like an office with a bunch of file cabinets that are a complete mess. Sitting and thinking, and just doing nothing else for a while, couple days or so at most, for me is like when in that cartoon they clean up Donald’s office-mind.

So yeah, well see how I feel tomorrow. I’m scheduling a full day, and unless I am actually coming down with something, I’ll get a whole day’s work in which almost gets me fully back on track. Then, the plan is to put in a full day on Saturday as well. If not, and I still feel completely fatigued, I’ll adjust from there and find myself a real, planned, stretch of time to just recuperate. And, it’ll be worth it. I’ll need my energy for these next couple months. I have lots of plans πŸ™‚

Night, guys. I hope I feel better in the morning πŸ˜›