Day 196: Win/Lose

Day 196: Win/Lose

Well…today was alternately successful and frustrating.

I woke up exhausted 😛 I sat down to do work, and I was like “nope. This is not happening.”

So, I set up a plan to get a few more hours of shut-eye and still be able to finish all my work by spreading it out between today and the first day I have “off” this week.

Well, that worked decently enough. I didn’t get *quite* as much finished as I’d wanted to, but it was still enough to not get me too far behind. I still feel frustrated about it, though. I feel like I gave into some laziness today, and I fucking hate that. Mostly about it later in the day. The exhaustion in the morning was legit. Only one day off after working three straight 16 hours days just doesn’t cut it. So, I guess in that regard, today has to be a win, right? It probably should have been a day off. Doesn’t feel like a win.

Then, I actually got a dope audition to put on tape tomorrow. It’s actually for a movie that the Ho has already gone out for a couple times, so I was decently familiar with the material already. I still have to read the script tonight before I nod off to sleep, but it’s a cool project. Of course, that also comes with stress of its own, given that tomorrow is also going to be another full work day, PLUS putting this shit on tape.

So, because of the audition, writing didn’t happen today, and it’s likely not going to happen tomorrow either.

I’m also figuring out how to work in starting a new set of workouts with a friend, we’d scheduled the first one for tomorrow morning, in fact, which I had to bail out of because of the aforementioned audition, and I hate doing that kind of stuff do. “Bailing out.” So yeah…my plate is definitely feeling very, very full at the moment. Especially since I’m still “behind” on my editing work, and that fills me with the constant nagging feeling to fill every free moment with work to catch up. Ugh. So…tomorrow just needs to be focused; audition, and editing. Then, Wednesday I can start this workout, which I’m actually really looking forward to, and I can strategize about how to catch up as quickly as possible and reach this nirvana-like state of being where I’m “supposed” to be.

I would really like to get there. On a very real level, I realize that me not being there, existing in a state of being “behind,” is completely of my own doing, and an actual choice that I am making. It’s that self-sabotage of trying to avoid fully buying into the “Do Less More Often” philosophy.

It’s a struggle, guys. Today, I feel like I lost more than I won…BUT, getting that off my chest makes me feel better. I *can* do better. And, I will tomorrow.

Okay. I’m off to read this script as quickly as I can, and then snooze as hard as I can.

Wish me luck!

Tonight’s artwork is apparently concept work for the movie “Futureworld,” which was a follow-up to the much more famous “Westworld” with Yule Brenner…a fucking awesome movie, if I might add.