Day 219: Taking Time

Day 219: Taking Time

So…today ended up being a normal 6 pages, which I *just* finished. But, they did get done, and I’m still so FREAKING close to finishing this thing. I had to stop, tonight, right in the middle of this final showdown.]

The villain is monologuing right now. I know, freaking not a good idea. It shall be rewritten. I mean, I do have it kind of set up so he’s the only one who CAN talk in the scene (you can use your imagination on that one), so there has to be some monologuing happen to a certain extent, but I do want to get it to the point where it shows exactly HOW crazy this guy is. And, I don’t mean level of craziness, I mean, like what’s his deal specifically.

I just had to take a little break to put some ideas down in my word doc about the whole thing.

It’s funny how that act of writing drivel and “i know this isn’t quite right” stuff can actually help me think of “ooo, this is how it could be right.”

I was reading today about a writer’s tips on how to write. He talked about how he was encouraged by Christopher Nolan to view his first draft as an “exploratory draft” — ie- to just let it come out. If a character says something, or a plot turn appears, to just follow it. And that these drafts tend to be 1) terrible and 2) very very long. Which is exactly where I currently find myself 😛

He then went on to say that many inexperienced writers take that “exploratory” draft as their first draft, and want it to be done. Which is (obviously) a mistake. One I have no intention of making.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never EVER sent out a piece of writing and not wanted to get the feedback “holy shit, this is brilliant, don’t change ANYTHING, here’s a million dollars.” I don’t know how to NOT feel that way about something I’ve created. I rationally try to not desire that; doesn’t work. But…I’ve also never EVER sent something out feeling like “this is perfect, and I know it’s done. 100% finished. I can’t possibly make it any better.” That’s also a reality.

So, I know I will send it out (eventually. not THIS draft, but hopefully the next). And, I know that I’m going to get notes about stuff not working that are going to be extremely frustrating at the time. But, what I hope, is that I’m able to solve those issues that come up, and that I’m able to whip this thing into a form that has some intrigue to it, and some excitement, and some imagination.

I read an email exchange today back and forth with an executive and an unnamed writer that was appalling. The level of false bravado and ultimately sickening insecurity that oozed from this writer was very disturbing. And, I mean personally. Because I’ve felt that way before. I’ve been there. That lives inside of me, and I do feel those feelings every now and then. Which is frightening, to be honest. Ie- how much of that do I let show, you know?

Granted, I’ve never and would never write the things that this person wrote. I can honestly say that. Confidence in your work means that you let the work speak for itself. This person definitely did NOT do that.

But it did raise in me that doubt; how much do I really know about good story telling. I have no track record. Nothing to objectively grade myself by. I’m stepping into all this, really, for the first time with this script. And, although I’ve heard the stories of all these successful writers about their early failures, and how bad they were to start out, and that all makes me very anxious.

I do really love this script idea. More so, I think, than anything else I’ve ever done. So, I *do* want it to be good. And, I worry that it isn’t.

So that was what I was feeling for most of the day today. But, what I decided after all those feelings, was that I can’t do anything about that objective “good versus terrible” judgement. But, I can do what I think is good, and I can show it to other people and use their perspectives to really work on finding clarity and execution in my story. That’s all I can do. And trust, that if I continue to do that, every day, that I will reach a point where my work IS good enough to be considered objective acceptable.

And so, I sat down to write. And it was awesome. I love it. I love my story, it’s exciting to me. Something I would watch. And, I think as long as I keep THAT…I’ll end up doing okay. It’s just going to take time 😛

Speaking of time, I have to go to bed. It’s up early again tomorrow for working out!