Man, today was just one of those days. They seem to have been happening A LOT lately, but just nothing seemed to go to plan. It *should* have been a cake day. Seriously. I was set up for a fucking walk in the park…but then distraction after distraction kept popping up to derail me.
To be fair, I let myself be derailed. It was like I knew it was going to be an easy day, and I just let that get to me.
It’s routine. I know it is. I really REALLLYYY have a hard time getting what I want to get done *done* when I’m working outside of my routine. That’s really what it is.
I was sitting here thinking about how seeing my mother is always emotional, more so than I realize it is, I think, on any given daily basis. And I definitely don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just…emotional, you know? You talk about your family, and you realize that you’re getting older and so are they, and you reminisce and you find out things about the past that you didn’t know before…I mean…it’s emotional. This particular trip happened to be a very happy one, for sure. But, it’s always still emotional. Just like going home is always emotional. There’s just so much HISTORY in those situations. That’s why we write books and plays and movies about them.
I was also sitting and thinking about Robin Williams, and how sad it is that he died today. I know people like Robin, who are that charismatic, and yet struggle inside themselves so mightily, and I worry for those people. I also think about my brother, and how he and Robin have something in common, now…and that makes me think about his family, and mine, and how a death like that affects those of us left behind.
So, I’m left now sitting here wondering about the chicken and the egg. What came first? All these feelings, which then disrupted my routine today and led me to feel so frustrated….or did the disrupted routine and frustration from that lead to all these feelings?
I don’t know.
I’m feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and distracted. I’d usually dream of a day off, but that’s not doing any good for me tonight. Tonight, I really think the cure to how I’m feeling is to just fucking rock the shit out of tomorrow. So…that’s the plan. And that means I sign off now, because it’s 12:30 and that means bed time.
The Coops agrees with me, and so it is. I’ll see you crazy cats tomorrow for another session of feelings-talk.