Day 305: Irish Temper

Day 305: Irish Temper

Being and apartment manager can be very frustrating. That’s just the plain truth of the matter. I often find myself caught between a rock and a hard place, and those not being what you would think they are. One might think the rock being the owner that I work for, and the hard place being my tenant. Trying to please both simultaneously, as any middle-management position is wont to do.

No, the rock and a hard place I find myself frequently dealing with is my own sensibility of what is reasonable, and logical…and what is reasonable and logical to the person that I’m dealing with. Which then dilates out to the rock and a hard place between what I really want to say or do in such a situation, and what is actually going to be helpful.

I do not suffer fools gladly. I’ve always been that way. Someone acting like an ass, or setting a double standard has always made my skin crawl. From a very young age. I remember my Little League manager telling me that I had a temper because I was pissed at him for taking me out of a game for something that wasn’t my fault. I wish I remember the actual incident. But, I don’t. I do remember him telling my I had “an irish temper.” And, he was right. I do. Stupidity really upsets me.

It sounds like I say all that like it’s a badge of honor. And, I may feel like that sometimes…but that’s all just ego and hogwash. Especially with apartment managing. Because if I’m getting upset because someone else is upset, I’m just as much of a stupid asshole as they are. And I freaking hate it when I do that. I feel stupid. And ineffective. And I am. Some times being strong headed serves me, but in real life, most of the time, it actually doesn’t. It makes me anxious and unhappy.

That happened to me today, and it threw me off for what should have been a productive ending editing work-wise We’ll see how much I get done. I still have a chance to get where I want to go, which is a mere 1 day short of the full month. Easily made up next month when all the wedding and traveling are done. I do have a TON of apartment stuff tomorrow. My morning is going to be bananas. But, I’d rather all do it at once, right?

I hope so. Cuz, after tomorrow, we’re outta here.

There’s more going on in my building right now than the last 6 months combined. Seriously. And, it’s not because I’ve been putting anything off, it’s just the way that it’s happened. The real pile of crap all came down over this last week. And, I’m leaving this behind for a newly married couple with a baby. That doesn’t feel good. But, what can I do? I’ll try to get them set up the best I can, and the rest is beyond my control.

Yes, a lot of my stress level comes from the fact that we’re heading out to get married. To pull off this wedding that we’ve been planning for so long. Reaching the end of this work-road I’ve been on all this year, and being *just* behind where I wanted to be. But, it’s an exercise in letting go. I realize that. That’s really what this all is. Letting go. Leaning on those around me. Going with the flow. Taking things as they come as opposed to trying to control them. That’s really the heart of the apartment frustrations: trying to bend situations to the way I want them to be, instead of accepting them for what they are and then going from there.

That’s how we’re ending this entry tonight. Wise words that I will try to sleep into my brain for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. I can feel it. All these things will come to pass instead of being thought about. Tomorrow will be about the present, and not the future or the past.

Wish me luck, bitches!