Day 510: Back on the horse

Day 510: Back on the horse

Tonight’s artwork is uncredited.

I feel as though I’ve fallen off a bit. I can’t say exactly when it happened, but it did…Six weeks or so ago, my life with editing and writing seemed so rosy and actually exciting, and the feeling I’ve had over these past few weeks has been the opposite. Frustrating. Uninspiring.

I wish, actually, that I could pinpoint when and how that shift happened. Understanding that would likely point me towards a solution. Not that I don’t think I can come up with a solution anyway. It lies where it always has for me: setting goals and then accomplishing them. Right now, I suspect this feeling is because my life is out of balance. While I’m holding it together on the editing front, the writing side continues to slip past me.

I don’t know, it might be more than that. Editing has hit a wall lately, too. That may be because I’m really very much hoping to be offered the opportunity to work with another company, but that just hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps that’s why my editing work has taken on more of a drudgery-type feel to it lately…I’m not really sure. Perhaps it’s just that there are decidedly less “easy” lessons to edit right now than there were for the past five or six months. It’s definitely a factor, however; that my editing work lately has taken more out of me than usual.

Mostly, though, I think it’s the lack of writing. I want to fix that. I think the only way to fix it is once day at a time. Meaning: tomorrow. I’m going to schedule out my day, and I’m going to get it done. I have to. What I *really* want to do is to fill in my missing holes the week, those off days that seem to disappear and taken any rhythm or focus with them…I want to work three straight solid on-goal editing days, with writing included, and then set up a schedule and a routine for those “off days” that will make me feel like a fucking writer. What a work day would feel like to me if I was able to write full-time. THAT’S what I really want, and that is what’s missing from my week. I want to train my mind to not completely lose focus and a drive for productivity on the days that I’m not editing. To be able to still take a rest break from a 13-hour work day and get writing done at the same time. And, mostly, to really ENJOY those days and have that enjoyment motivate me towards writing, as opposed to the collapse in exhaustion type days they’ve been so far this year.

I remember I had one of those days late last year, where I was walking to Ralph’s after having writting some pages, and I was getting lunch for myself before going to back and writing more pages, and the sun was out, and I was listening to music, and I felt like a WRITER. Like, this was my job, and I loved it. It made me want to feel like that every day. Well…I felt like it once. What I’ve been doing in the interim since has not quite been that…and I’d like to fix that.

It’s a matter of setting some routines for myself. Some new ones. Some *enjoyable* ones, and integrating those into my off days. I’ve developed them for my editing days, now it’s time to do the same for the writing days.

Anywho..that’s what’s on my mind tonight. I had a major two-day debate with myself about whether to actually do an editing day tomorrow, or to work out just one of the days I described…but I figured that I would be much more likely to actually invest myself into a “writers’ day” were I to do so AFTER having actually done a full weeks’ worth of editing. So…here we are. Ready for tomorrow.

That’s all for tonight. Had a good day with the Ho and the pups. A good Sunday. It all starts over again tomorrow, folks. Focus. Productivity. Positivity. It’s going to be a struggle. Sitting here right now, I can tell that already. The first step is a good night’s sleep. So, peace!