A Le Tired blog on an “off” day…I know. Almost never happens. It did today. I wasn’t working on editing, but my day was filled nonetheless from beginning to end.
Emotions are draining things, yo. They really suck the energy out of you and leave you pretty…I’m not quite sure what the correct word is, actually. I was going to say “empty,” but that’s not it at all. It’s a tiredness, but it’s not an emptiness. A “surrender” perhaps? The fight is sucked out after the intensity subsides and all that remains is exhaustion and clarity? Something like that.
Anyway, I can’t speak as unfiltered as I usually do on these entries simply because it involves another person who is not myself 😛 Not only is it not okay to do that on a “public” forum, it’s also just not what this blog is about. This blog is about me. I have given me the permission to air my shit out on this thing, and that’s what I do here.
Whenever “helping” someone else, however, it always makes us think, or me think, of my own issues. What am I hiding from, or need help with, or want to change about me? That is part of the benefit of offering help to someone else, isn’t it? It’s not the whole bit of it. I truly believe that. We do not only help others because it makes us feel better. It’s too exhausting for that to be true. No, but there *is* a part of it that kicks back to us if we’re in the right, healthy, frame of mind, which is a mirror of ourselves. We all deal with adversity and doubt and self loathing in our own ways, and when I see that struggle in someone else, it reminds me to think about those things rather than perpetually keeping them at arms length and trying to ignore them.
Ultimately, I think it is incredibly important to THINK and TALK about the things that scare me. Even if it was only because it was hard to do it, I would aspire to conquer that difficulty…but it’s more than that. It’s objectively helpful. I try to take apart those fears, see where they actually come from, and then shine logic and reason, and healthy ideals on that darkness. Before you think that I’m saying “I got that shit figured out, yo”…it’s *incredibly* hard for me to do it. And rare. Always helpful, but rare. Which means I’m fucking up way way more than I’m succeeding…I just bring all that up to say, the impetus to confront those things I run from myself is something I sometimes gain from assisting others that I care about.
That’s all for tonight. Tomorrow is, please lord, a normal work day so that I don’t fall further behind. The Ho is in the office right now crushing the daylights out of some narrating, and that attitude of “just get shit done” is something I hope I can tap into myself tomorrow 😛
Wish me luck!