Day 682: August Adieu

Day 682: August Adieu

Tonight’s artwork is uncredited.

It was a whale of a month, this August of 2015. It wrapped up the craziest work period of my life, and some pretty heavy travelling for such a short period of time…in other words, it was an awesome month. For reals. I loved vlogging it…I loved living it…I loved writing about it…

Today I feel a bit melancholy about…I worked hard, but I didn’t finish everything I wanted to. It started off so well. SO well. But in the afternoon some computer stuff and then apartment stuff derailed my attention, I got behind, and then I fell far enough “behind” that I spiraled at the end, realizing there weren’t enough hours left in the day to finish anyway, so why even try? That’s the cycle, I realize…falling behind in the afternoon, which leads to falling apart in the evening. That’s where I have the opportunity to remedy the situation, between, like, 2 and 5pm…those are the crucial hours. If I can go into dinner being on schedule, then I’m solid to finish on time. If not…I really struggle. It’s shooting myself in the foot, and then I feel like my day was kind of a failure, even if the distraction were “legitimate” during the day, like today.

Tomorrow…I have work to catch up on, a solid nap to take, a workout to perform, and writing to get done. Two hours of it. Two hours a day for the month of September…and then the month after that and the month after that…but we’ll START with September.

I feel somewhat like August was a wasted month in terms of the writing, and it kinda was…I sacrificed writing hours to claw, scratch, and scrape my way into hitting a semblance of my editing goals. And, I have. Granted, I have one more video to finish tomorrow…but that’s pretty goddamn close. Close enough, if I’m being fair to myself. The cost was writing. It’s time to turn that around, yo!

Dr. Wayne Dwyer died yesterday, and though I haven’t read much of him, someone I’m friends with posted a quote that really struck me. It read “You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” Bam. Slug to my chest. Right now, I *am* a video editor and an apartment manager. I am *not* a writer. That right there…that’s what needs to be fixed. In order to attract TV gigs and publishing…well, I need to BE a TV writer and a novelist.

So…I’m back to school with myself and my psyche, guys. For the next however many months…it’s retraining time…learning to BE something different. It’s going to be gradual – intentionally so. But I want it to be a fundamental shift in priorities. Not that things like making money at my editing job won’t be important…no…just that the writing will come first. That my first face to be shown will be a writing one…it’s the only way to get where I want to go, and I am not where I want to go right now. I don’t want to be a video editor. I don’t want to be an apartment manager…they were always meant to be temporary things. So, now begins the work of being able to put them behind me. I’ll be forever grateful for what they’ve given me, and I truly enjoy my time living as them. Seriously. As much as I’ve been angsty this year, or last…as I write about them and think about moving on (eventually, in time)…I realize how truly happy I’ve been, and PROUD of all the things I’ve done as an editor and a manager. It’s a true accomplishment, and good gigs if you can get them.

Anyway…bed time. More on these thoughts tomorrow, methinks. 2015 is about to wind it’s way into the third act…I have a lot of shit I want to get done!