The wrist wringing and the self-examination continues…today was a down day of all that. I think I might be a bit depressed, which does seem to happen during the beginning of each month…a crash of sorts after feeling the high of ending a month and getting all my shit done.
It’s hitting me now…I don’t feel like working on anything. My pilot sucks, my novel sucks, I’m not good at anything I want to be good at, and I have no faith that I’ll ever get there, no faith that my work even has promise…it just sucks.
I know, guys, I know. It’s all very dramatic. Writing about it, especially making fun of it, usually helps the feelings pass. I think, I hope, too, that the feelings are pretty normal for those in the act of creating something and trying with all their might to make it something good and worthwhile.
I did rent today after filling the vacancy we have in our building. That was awesome. It’s so much more work-intensive when we have a vacancy in the building, but this one was filled pretty quickly. It’s a cute little unit, and we thankfully had several of the right types of potential tenants looking at it; and by that I mean younger and one or two people living together. It’s a townhome, so anyone on the older side of things it’s really not ideal for (stairs), and it really only works for one, two people TOPS, because it’s so much smaller than all our other units.
Then I went and got my haircut, and Felicia and I commiserated about transitional periods in our lives, and how they never really go away no matter how old we get 😛 It’s definitely what I find myself in now…and really the cure to it, and the sign that I’m on the right track is how consistent I am with my work. Well, I *have* been these last several days, including today. It wasn’t a full hour, it was more like a half hour, but I DID IT. I didn’t shirk it. I sat down and worked on my script, even though I didn’t want to. It feels like a win.
I’ll get there guys…I have to have faith that I will. It’s going to take every once of strength and weakness I have in me, but I will get there. I am GOING to make my phone calls, godamnit. I’m ashamed and embarassed that I haven’t yet, but as this blog is my WITNESS I will do it. I’ll keep setting deadlines and I will reach them eventually…
I need a good night’s sleep. And a good day tomorrow. It can really help, that. So, that’s where I’m off to. Catch you kids on the flip, and may we all find the self confidence and positive thinking to make our dreams a reality.
Ps- Coco is snoring like a MOTHERFUCKER right now. And it’s adorable. Both pups came into the bedroom to help me write. Love those two.