Day 83: Fuller

Day 83: Fuller

I was feeling empty today, the last couple days, really. Mostly, the sickness of 2014. But, also just feeling the momentum stalled. Sitting around rather than taking action, which always just leads to despair. But right now, I feel full. Also, a weird mix between nervous and calm.

We went to see Bryan Fuller today, hence the amazing double entendre of tonight’s post title. He got his start on Star Trek, as SO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE have that I’ve gone to go see so far in my fledgling “meet-the-writers” adventures. Right now, he’s the creator and an exec producer on Hannibal, which just might be my absolute favorite new show on television right now.

Going to these things never fails to be an intense experience for me right now; it’s really listening to these talented people talking about how they get to fill their time working on telling stories that just…blows me over. I want to do THAT. And, they’ve all been SO NICE about it. Bryan, tonight, stayed up on stage to talk to everyone who wanted to talk to him. Everyone. And REALLY talked to them. In a genuine way. Standing in line, it really made to start to feel really REALLY nervous because listening, I could hear how he was actually asking people about themselves and I realized I actually had an opportunity to meet this man who was doing what I dream of doing. That he wanted me to answer him honestly when he asked me what I was writing, and that I should ask him the questions that I really wanted to know.

I wish I could say it was a blur (that’s not true), mostly because of the fact that I’m dead to rights positive that he knew exactly how nervous I actually was, but I remember almost every word of the conversation. That I should call Networks, and use them as a resource to find out the proper mailing addresses of their shows’ writers’ rooms, as well as when those shows are looking for assistants. That, I was thinking the right way about starting as a writers’ assistant. That I need to have an original pilot to submit with any writing job; my idea of sending a short story was original, but if I want to write TV, write it as a TV show. And, that I should send a letter to his production office, he has assistants, but you never know.

Guess what I’m doing tomorrow? Writing a fucking letter to Bryan Fuller, that’s what.

I realize they’re staffed and loaded up with assistants and interns. I missed my timing with that by about august of last year. But, Hannibal will hopefully have more seasons. Bryan Fuller will do more television. It’s about the long game. If I say I’ll work for free if I have to and I’ll do ANYTHING to help in any way I can, is there a chance he’d bring me on mid-season? Maybe. I can hope for that, too. Either way, it reaffirms everything I feel after every one of these talks that I go to: I have to put myself out there.

And, I have to keep writing.

I don’t know how to turn my short story into a TV pilot yet, so I’m going to finish it as it is. It’s the first from-scratch original piece I will have finished in a couple years. I need to get it out of my system. Knock off the rust.

I feel very self-conscious about that, actually. The “rust.” The decision to be a writer (again) still feels very new. And I don’t like that. It makes me uncomfortable…I want to get rid of that feeling as soon as possible. Let me also say it’s a legitimate feeling. I AM new. It’s not unwarranted, it’s reality. But Bryan actually talked about that too tonight, and said something that made me feel better about where I’m at as opposed to where I want to be. He said that Junior writers will get *heavily* rewritten, and for him it was a major hit to his ego early on as I unfortunately know it will be for me too…but that’s okay. Junior writers are on staffs for their ideas.

…and ideas I have. So many, sometimes, I feel like I wish I could write at the speed of my imagination because I’m afraid I’ll lose them all.

That’s all for tonight. I’ve resolved that tomorrow shall be spent gathering my wits, which have been strayed and frayed in the past few days. Tuesday will be editing. Wednesday will be editing. Thursday will be editing. And then, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be free for writing. Tomorrow will be wit-gathering, and letter writing. You can hold me to it folks!

No sports, too. The Niners lost today in a heartbreaker…that I didn’t watch because I was listening to a TV writer talk about being a TV writer. The priorities are aligning. Slowly…

Tonight’s artwork is courtesy of Stay in Wonderland