Day 239: Two Thirty Nine

Day 239: Two Thirty Nine

I don’t really have a good reason for the self-referential title tonight, it just seemed like a cool title 😛

Today’s entry could easily be called “work explosion,” since that’s essentially what it was. I’m all caught up. Got lucky with some quick lessons that I tore through.

It’s always a battle, though, when those come along; to work extra for the hours I’d been planning to work to begin with, make up extra ground, or to quit early and indulge. These days of super quick work never seem to come along when I’m ahead. Always when I’m behind, so I invariably choose to keep working, make up some ground. It’s what I did today. But, I do think about being lazy.

I didn’t write about it last night, but I was extolling the therapeutic benefits of writing these entries every day to one of my good friends who’s going through a bit of an intense transitional period right now. A cross-roads of sorts, although to be honest with y’all, any writer or actor in hollywood is just one emotional breakdown from a “cross-roads” at any point in their entire life.

I literally had no idea that I would be doing blog entry 239 in a row when I started this thing back late last year. I just knew that I wanted to do something, and someone else I knew had started writing every day. But, it’s completely automatic now. It’s part of my routine before I go to sleep (hence the “I’m so tired right now” refrain that can crop up so often).

And, it’s given me some huge rewards for my persistence. I can honestly say that I feel better now that I do these every night. The act of getting stuff off my chest, and putting it somewhere that stuff cannot be forgotten, or missed, or whatever…putting it someplace that’s not held inside me, is ritualistically freeing. Every night. Part of it is that I don’t bullshit on here. I, except for maybe certain things that are too private, or explicitly involve someone other than myself, don’t censor on here. If I’m feeling ashamed, or proud, or anything else about something, I talk about it here.

And then, whatever it is, it’s out there. It’s not in me. And, it really kind of loses it’s power, or its energy, or however you’d say that so it’s not all mystical and weird. That stuff doesn’t weigh me down any more.

I can tell you that my recovery times for when I have shitty days are much faster. Objectively. I can look through the evidence right on this blog and see it.

I feel more stable. More even keeled. And, simply put, happier.

I find that I can focus on the present much more than I was able to before doing this. The weight of the past, or the future is much less. Still there, of course, but the volume very much turned down. With that focus, more days that not, I’m able to get the things done that I want to be getting done.

Anyway…it’s really something I recommend. Daily journaling. Now, you don’t have to do it publicly, to be sure. But, then again, that’s part of what works with this thing, for me. Granted, nobody reads these things every day (except for the Ho, I love you), but anybody could if they wanted to. And that fact takes the power out of anything that’s bothering me even MORE. Because it’s not only out of my mind and written down, it’s written down completely outside of me and into complete view. Nobody can ever find a black little notebook about me that shows all my little secrets. They’re out already.

And, I mean “secrets” in terms of the things that bother me on a day-to-day basis. Things like being worried about whether I’m working hard enough, or money, stress about my upcoming week, or family health issues, etc. Super super personal stuff, or like I said, things involving other people…that’s not what I mean. It’s incredibly rare that any of that stuff would ever feel like it needed to be written down. But, this “being in my 30s and figuring life out” stuff, it’s all right here.

So yeah…the conversation with my friend who’s trying to figure things out really just reminded me about how grateful I am for this outlet that I have every night. A place to just be me. Write whatever I want for however long I want.

And, that number up top there, that I wrote out twice tonight, it does mean something to me. It’s not the POINT of this blog, but it is something I’m very proud of. 239 days. That’s a lot. More than I’ve ever done before. And, that’s something.

I recommend it, folks. Blog/Journal/Write/Confess every day. It will make you a happier person 🙂

Tonight’s image is the Cosmic Calendar from “Cosmos.” I have the last episode of that show to watch, still. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow…